1. |
In The Morning
02:28
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In a letter I wrote to myself we live impractically
I can barely keep my thoughts straight through this empty cup of coffee
And I'm working overtime but I'm not sure it's in me
For money I'm not sure I want
That I'm not sure I need
And these nights are getting to me
Sleepless uncertainty
Of who I'm going home with
And where I'm gonna be
In the morning
In the morning
Bloody tissues bloody sinuses I'm wearing myself down
I'm living on my own now different streets and different towns
And my window sill is a lost and found
Full of hair ties and lost clothes
Whatever comes around
In a letter I wrote to myself
Full of advice that never helps
These nights are getting to me
Sleepless uncertainty
Of who I'm going home with
And where I'm gonna be
In the morning
In the morning
And by the afternoon I hate what's behind my eyes
And how I'm always running from something half my size
I let it get me every time
In a letter I wrote to myself we live impractically
I can barely keep my thoughts straight through this empty cup of coffee
And I'm working overtime but I'm not sure it's in me
For money I'm not sure I want
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2. |
Everything I Said
02:13
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Everything I said was the wrong thing
You think that I'm not listening
Everything I say feels like losing
You think that I am amusing
You think I'm trying to save you
I think I'm trying to save face
You think that I think I'm perfect
I think that you think I'm useless
I can't blame you
Or entertain you
I'm disconnected
You're disconcerted
I can't blame you for not walking away
Or entertain that we both wanted to stay
I'm disconnected from the thoughts in your head
You're disconcerted and from the things left unsaid
(stylophone solo)
You burned a fire in the backyard
You lit an effigy for everyone
You burned a fire in the backyard
You lit an effigy for everybody everybody everybody everybody
You burned a fire in the backyard
You lit an effigy for everyone
You burned a fire in the backyard
You lit an effigy for everybody everybody
I can't blame you
Or entertain you
I'm disconnected
You're disconcerted
I can't blame you for not walking away
Or entertain that we both wanted to stay
I'm disconnected from the thoughts in your head
You're disconcerted and from the things left unsaid
You burned a fire in the backyard
You burned a fire in the backyard
I can’t blame you for not walking away
I’ll entertain that we both wanted to stay
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3. |
Conversations
02:49
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I was replaying conversations in my head
Rehearsed apologies I didn't have to give
I was reliving all the bad stuff that you said
Rereading messages I didn't have to send
You've been screaming in your sleep
You've been having those bad dreams
I look the wrong way when I try to cross the street
Rereading messages I didn't have to keep
You showed me all your scars
And I know how you'll die
Doesn't matter what I say
Doesn't matter that I tried
Is it enough?
Can I be happy
Is it enough?
Try not to hate the things you love
Is it enough?
Can I be happy
Is it enough?
Try not to hate the things you love
I always thought I'd be normal
I always thought I'd be I'd be a normal person
Always thought I'd be social
That I'd fit in and be loved and feel good about it
But instead I'm stressed and feel like a misshapen puzzle piece
I always thought I'd be normal
I always thought I'd be I'd be a normal person
Always thought I'd be social
That I'd fit in and be loved and feel good about it
But instead I'm stressed and feel like a misshapen puzzle piece
I was replaying conversations in my head
Rehearsed apologies I didn't have to give
I was reliving all the bad stuff that you said
Rereading messages I didn't have to send
I was replaying conversations in my head
Rehearsed apologies I didn't have to give
I was reliving all the bad stuff that you said
Rereading messages I didn't have to send
You think I'm trying to save you
I think I'm trying to save face
You think that I think I'm perfect
I think that you think I'm useless
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4. |
Price
01:40
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Eyes meet smiles and small talk and questions
And there’s no thought to the motivation you’ll need down the road
You start by gambling nights then weeks and months
And like a serious poker match it gets more serious
Like lifetimes and I don’t know shit I didn’t want this
But there was a wanting
When I hadn’t wanted for anything
And there are long hairs in my clothes
And pillows that smell like you for days
And there’s a dopamine release in my brain that I can’t stop chasing
And it’s crazy how long I can last off of that
I haven’t figured out lasting
Lasting and leaving
Neither appealing
I get back to the lasting
The last thing I keep are the mornings
I lose the nights and the days
It’s the price for love
It’s the price for being loved
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5. |
I Am A Resource
03:15
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When I was 18
I said what
What wasn’t for me
Because of
Because of your habits
I’m cautious
Now I’m more anxious
Sleepless
At 23 there’s more that I can see
I have guilty blood on guilty hands
And darkened eyes, my restless mind
I don’t always have the courage to say I love you
I get scared I’ll fuck it up
If it’s not you or me, then it must be me
And I was wrong when I was 18
It’s different now at 23
A xanax and a shower, I’ll feel better in an hour
I am a resource: a limited thing.
Sometimes, just a paycheck, a song at a Christmas party
But sometimes I’m more
I move with freedom and purpose
I mask my tired eyes
I talk to every stranger I meet
I see the light in every place
For a while I run away, for a while I run away
Again like a child
I love everyone I know, and everything is new
I love everyone I miss
I only miss what I remember
I remember what I want to
Because when I get back it’s all waiting for me and the freedom and purpose are as far away as they ever were
It’s always the truth this time.
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Craig Shay Brooklyn, New York
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
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